By My Own
by So Yun
Summary: A year on, life is continuing for the Curtis brothers and the remaining gang. But things slowly go downhill for Ponyboy and the gang who have triumphed over so many things in the past.
1. Birthday Boy

**Disclaimer: **I do not and never will own the characters, plots and settings of S.E Hinton's "The Outsiders".

**Title: **By My Own

**Author: **So Yun

**Ratings: **M

**Warnings: **Language, Violence, Adult Themes

**Genre: **Angst/Drama

**Chapter: **1/?

**Summary: **A year on, life is continuing for the Curtis brothers and the remaining gang. But things slowly go downhill for Ponyboy and the gang who have triumphed over so many things in the past.

**AN: **Hi guys, I'm new to this type of fandom, I usually frequent Harry Potter. I hope you'll be lenient on me for any future stuff ups! I hope you enjoy the first instalment!

**Chapter 1-Birthday Boy**

**------------------**

Sunlight filtered through the bedroom curtains and I rolled to my side, groaning. I sheltered my face beneath the sheet and huddled closer to the mattress, clutching my pillow and Soda's arm still on my shoulder.

Though seconds later the gentle hand shook my shoulder; I opened an eye drowsily.

"So fifteen today Hun," Soda's cheerful voice drifted towards me, I nodded sleepily, closing my eyes again.

My second oldest brother smiled at me, yawning as I was forced to open my eyes again; his brown eyes now widened in excitement.

I stifled a groan, I knew what that look meant from years of experience. I don't understand what the big fuss is? It's just a birthday, but apparently my brothers and the rest of the gang thought otherwise.

I closed my eyes tightly and huddled down further only to be scared out of mind by an extra loud voice that I recognised instantly.

"Hey Birthday Boy! Rise and shine Pony!"

I moaned weakly, attempting to muffle Two-Bit's voice. But then the bed started jostling and I found Soda bouncing around like an excited puppy.

Against my blissfully wanting sleep will, I pulled back the covers and rested against the headboard; no way was I gonna get to sleep in. Even on my birthday.

I wiped the grit that caked around my eyes then looked around the bedroom blearily.

Soda was half dressed and sittin on the bed, grinning madly; so much so that it scared me.

Two-Bit stood at the foot of the bed, chowing down some chocolate cake while smirking at me. He just loved birthdays because he always got to annoy the birthday boy.

Steve leant against the dresser, a fag poking from his lips; he scowled; typical Steve on my birthday, or any day for that matter.

Then last and least, my oldest brother Darry leant against the doorway, his arms crossed casually.

"Fifteen now kid?" Steve managed to drawl in my direction, "Still a tagalong kid though."

I rolled my eyes at him, but he merely smirked. I'll always be the tagalong kid; no matter my age. I could be in my late twenties, them in their thirties and I'd still get a glare from good ol' Steve if I tried to join them at the pub. But hey, it was mutual.

Soda punched his best friend's arm roughly, but grinned at him.

"Steve, lay off. It's his birthday."

Steve just snorted and Two-Bit laughed then threw something at me. I caught it quickly and recognised the nice notebook I was admiring the other day in the supermarket. I smiled appreciatively and Two-Bit winked, "Well hey Pone, it wasn't nailed down or anything like!"

Everyone laughed while Darry approached the bed. He looked somewhat strange; uncertainty pooling in his eyes.

He carefully handed me something small then nodded at me.

I looked down and in my hand; I held the nicest switchblade I'd ever seen. I flicked the blade out and gasped in wonder.

It was pure white and if you looked close enough, you'd notice intricately carved swirls in the handle. With another gasp of awe, I realized that by the looks of the engineering; it was hand made and so was the beautiful design.

I looked up at my oldest brother; emotion glittering in my eyes.

"You made this Darry?" I managed to let out. Darry nodded and I suddenly wanted to leap up and hug him.

Since the whole incident, Darry and I had been gettin along just fine. Maybe a small fight here and then over curfew or homework, but that didn't matter. It had been almost a year since Dally and Johnny had died; it still tore at my heart, everyone's hearts but we had moved on.

I missed them both everyday and would never forget them.

Staying gold was my only inspiration; so I did.

"Thankyou," I said softly towards Darry.

He merely nodded and said, "Use it well Ponyboy."

I nodded, smiling.

Soda was next, he clambered across the mattress towards me, handing me a nicely wrapped present as he did.

I took it gently and started to undo the paper slowly.

"Oh just rip it already kid!" Two-Bit interrupted, so I complied.

In the shreds of the colourful wrapping paper, lay an authentic and expensive looking leather jacket.

My eyes widened and I looked up at Soda, my mouth wide open.

"How on earth did you manage to pay for this Soda!??" I exclaimed, holding up the lovely leather jacket in my hands.

Soda grinned; looking utterly nonplussed.

"I saved."

"You saved. And how many hard months of work did that take? Soda…your wages…"

"Are mind to spend." Soda cut in as he took it out of my hands and draped it across my shoulders caringly.

"See buddy? It fits perfectly!" He exclaimed, his eyes alight.

Soda, of course hadn't even answered my questions and I was about to complain some more, but I was rudely cut off by none other than Steve.

"Shut up you little shit. For Christ's sake, if you really want to know, it was two. Two months worth of his bloody wages."

This shut me up real quick and the room was silent. Although I caught both Soda and Darry shooting Steve a warning look.

Soda approached me gently, brushing my bangs back, "I wanted to," he said softly and rubbed my shoulders with a small smile.

I nodded and murmured thanks which just made him grin so wide it made me grin.

Darry chuckled at his two Cheshire cat brothers and shook his head.

"Birthday cake for everyone! Kitchen now or there'll be none left! Come on Pony, outa bed!" As he headed for the kitchen, everyone was racing behind him.

I sat in bed for a moment longer, smiling at my wonderful brothers and the remaining members of the gang, even Steve.

Life couldn't get any better.

"Come on Pone!" Steve and Two-Bit have nearly finished the cake!!"

**------------------**

**TBC**

**End of Chapter One.**

Please review, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.

Yun


	2. By My Own

**Disclaimer: **I do not and never will own the characters, plots and settings of S.E Hinton's "The Outsiders".

**Title: **By My Own

**Author: **So Yun

**Ratings: **M

**Warnings: **Language, Violence, Adult Themes

**Genre: **Angst/Drama

**Chapter: **2/?

**Summary: **A year on, life is continuing for the Curtis brothers and the remaining gang. But things slowly go downhill for Ponyboy and the gang who have triumphed over so many things in the past.

**AN: **Hi guys, I'm new to this type of fandom, I usually frequent Harry Potter. I hope you'll be lenient on me for any future stuff ups! I hope you enjoy the second instalment! Thanks to my nice reviewers!!

**Chapter 2-By My Own**

**------------------**

A week after my larger than life birthday party, I was walking lonesome along the road near the lot. Darry and Soda wouldn't be home for another half an hour; Two-Bit was baby sittin' the house….well supposedly me, but I had left to go for my walk.

I shivered as I remembered exactly where I was, I remember the day I got jumped; it was scary as hell.

A chilled breeze ripped through the lot, so I pulled my leather jacket that Soda had given me, tighter. I cherished it as much as I cherished the switchblade Darry had made me.

I whistled a little tune as I before I saw a shadow behind me, the sun that was just sinking revealing someone behind me. I suddenly felt so sick in the stomach that I daren't turn around. A small thought in the back of my head popped up; it could just be one of the gang attempting to scare me.

But I knew it in my heart it wasn't. Before I could contemplate anymore I was grabbed from behind roughly and my face was smashed down into the hard ground. My nose whacked repeatedly into the dirty, blood carousing down my chin and into my mouth; I tried spitting it out.

I blindly struggled, but they were so much stronger and I suddenly felt more helpless than I had when my friends had died.

I was turned over roughly and I knew I had blood smeared all over my face; it was even in my eyes.

I got slugged a couple of times and it hurt my nose and cheeks like hell. I felt as if my face were going to split open.

Then the large hands were searching my pockets and jacket, I pushed them away weakly but they had already found what they were looking for. I gasped with a rasp as my prized, white switchblade came into view through my swollen eyes.

I struggled, but my captor continued to slug me powerfully and I laid there in a daze. I didn't even realize when the blade was plunged into my stomach, deep and up to the handle.

I lay there; gasping and whimpering as my own blood trickled down my side; staining the grass beneath me. The person then proceeded to life me off the ground; my leather jacket slipping off my arms and shoulders.

Then just as I felt my consciousness slipping I was hurled into the weed covered banks, almost where I'd never be seen.

My last thoughts were; _Oh great, knifed by my own blade. Darry's gonna go ballistic…_

**------------------**

Soda and I got to his house, I was grinning at something he had said, and he was grinnin' at my grin. We entered the house loudly and were quickly bombarded by a frantic lookin Two-Bit.

"You seen Pony on your way here, Steve!? Soda!?" He tried to ask casually, but his voice wavered and his eyes glittered a scared emotion.

He was meant to be baby sittin' Soda's kid brother.

"No." Soda managed and looked damn worried, concern flooding his face.

"Well…err….you see, I was napping and when I woke up he was gone."

The three of us looked at each other before we burst out the front doors and started searchin' the street. Since that Socs death, the other West Enders had it out for Ponyboy and us, but mainly him.

I was beginning to get a pool of dread in the bottom of my stomach, I'd never seen Two-Bit or my best friend look so worried.

I was broken out of my thoughts when I heard Soda's strangled yelp; I turned around to see him standin' midway through the lot, Pony's favourite jacket that I had helped him pick out in his hands.

It was drenched in blood, Ponyboy's blood.

I swallowed loudly, staring at that dark patch smearing the inside then at Soda's face. My best friend's face was contorted into unimaginable grief and worry, his soft brown eyes searching wildly for his brother.

I mean I hate that kid sometimes, but seeing his blood on that jacket man….it chilled me to the bone. It's not everyday that someone is knifed or shot here in Tulsa.

A rumble rematch about that whole Soc incident had been brewing for a whole while now. But this looked like someone had the intent of cold murder,

I scanned the tall weeds that covered the lot, rusted pain cans and abandoned wrecked parts of machines littered the area. A few feet away there was a large embankment that rose from the ground; I noticed blood splattered on the yellow weeds, bright in contrast against them.

This spurred me into action as I ripped towards the top and looked down; there he was. Blinking drowsily, blood smeared across his face and his lips trembling as he drew in ragged breaths.

I'd never seen the kid look so awful before; not even Johnny had looked this bad.

He'd been stabbed; that was noticeable straight away through the large rip in his shirt and the blood that had stained and crusted around it.

He looked at me, with those grey-green eyes of his, so pleading that I gasped.

"GUYS!!! I FOUND HIM! Over here!!!"

Soda and Two-Bit came runnin' and suddenly I panicked. I couldn't and wouldn't even imagine the damage that this sight could do to my best friend. So I stopped Soda, grasping him tightly by the arms.

"S-Soda….maybe you shouldn't….I mean…you can't!" I managed to stutter, tryin' to say it like I meant it. I don't know if I could hold up against his fury at me stopping him.

His incredulous brown eyes stare burned a hole right through me, I unconsciously stepped aside.

"Soda…."

I turned just in time to see Sodapop drop to his knees beside Pony, raw emotion dancing in his eyes. Pony stared back up at him, his eyes glazed as they slithered shut.

"No…"

**------------------**

**TBC**

**End of Chapter Two.**

Please review, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.

Yun


	3. When You Think

**Disclaimer: **I do not and never will own the characters, plots and settings of S.E Hinton's "The Outsiders".

**Title: **By My Own

**Author: **So Yun

**Ratings: **M

**Warnings: **Language, Violence, Adult Themes

**Genre: **Angst/Drama

**Chapter: **3/?

**Summary: **A year on, life is continuing for the Curtis brothers and the remaining gang. But things slowly go downhill for Ponyboy and the gang who have triumphed over so many things in the past.

**AN: **Hi guys, I'm new to this type of fandom, I usually frequent Harry Potter. I hope you'll be lenient on me for any future stuff ups! I hope you enjoy the third instalment! Thanks to my nice reviewers!!

**Chapter Three-When you think**

**------------------**

I got a call from home about something urgent, I finished up early and virtually sped down the ladders rungs, nearly losing my footing.

"Curtis! Ya brother, Pepsi or something rung! You're other brother, Horse or somethin's in hospital and to get ya arse down there!" One of the other guys yelled from the truck; the work phone in his hands.

I felt my heart stop and plummet down to the depths of my stomach, I ran to my truck and clumsily shoved the keys into it missing a couple of times and having to pick them up again.

It was until my third try that the ignition started and I was suddenly speeding down to the local Tulsa Hospital. I had a thing against speeding; Soda had gotten one too many tickets for it; but right now I didn't care.

I dodged the afternoon traffic and came to a screeching Holt in front of the emergency entrance. I slammed the doors open and ran through them and into the emergency room.

What I found there was more startling than seeing my littlest brother covered in ash on the brink of tears after that fire at the church in Windrixville.

Soda was sitting on one of the plastic chairs, uncomfortably so and slumped so far on it that I thought he might slide down onto the floor. The most noticeable thing was that in his hands he clutched Pony's favourite jacket that he and Steve had picked out.

I still remember the look of delight on his face when he opened it, clear as day. But now it was rusted in the colour of blood being cradled in Sodapop's hands.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from it; from the corner of my eyes I saw Steve rubbing grit out of his eyes drowsily and Two-Bit on the verge of tears in the corner.

I had no clue what had transpired but all these led me to think and know that it was horrible. Just seeing that blood….my stomach lurched. I spurred into action and felt my knees painfully collide with the ground as I knelt in front of Sodapop.

I clasped his knees in my hands, and pulled his hands into mine; staring him straight in the eyes I said softly, "What happened?"

He looked solemnly down at the jacket in his hands, still wringing it tightly in his hands; the last remnants of Pony from recent times in his hands. He finally looked up, meeting my eyes, anguish glittering in them.

"I don't know," He managed to choke, fresh tears awash. "He walked out on Two-Bit while he was napping; you know how he loves fresh air and all Darry,"

He looked me right in the eye; we both know how our little brother is. He loves sunsets and notices the colour and textures of things the gang and I would never even see. He digs good stuff, he digs the golden stuff.

"But then after Two-Bit woke up he noticed Pone never came back. Then me and Steve came home…" There he stopped to bury his face in his palms, sobbing his heart out. It broke my heart to see him so anguished, not even after all the traumatic events we had been through he had never been so upset.

I took his hands gently and pulled myself up and hugged him tightly, "its okay little buddy…"

"NO it isn't! Pony is in the ER dying or god knows what!" Soda suddenly screamed at me lurching backwards. I was shocked, Soda had never been this dramatic and I suddenly realized that this was really bad.

Finally I got the rest of the story out of my brother and stared at my surrounding in pure despair.

I let go of Soda's arms carefully and looked over to Steve the next seat up, staring at his best friend in shock, blood dried on the front of his t-shirt. He must have carried Pony in; or at least helped.

He stared up at me then looked away quickly, some how he looked guilty and I didn't know why the hell he would. This situation scared me and I pulled away and stood up, my feet pounding the lino floor to the nurse's station.

I reached it in a gasp, leaning forward on my elbows and I suddenly found myself near yelling, I had to know what was happening!

"Ponyboy Curtis! Brought in here fifteen minutes ago! Where is he!? I'm his guardian Darrel Curtis." I demanded in a rush, not caring how rude I sounded to the poor nurse. She merely looked me over and nodded at the waiting room chairs, "I'll inform you when I hear news of his condition. In the meanwhile you can stay with those crazy kids who brought him in."

I nearly leaned forward and spat, "Who're you calling crazy!?" But I didn't and I wiped the sweat that had accumulated on my brow and slumped dejectedly between Soda and Steve.

I watched in a trance as Two-Bit bit his lips then leaned forward to rub at his face roughly with his hands. He obviously felt bad; I mean I did leave Pony in his care, but it wasn't his fault that Pony liked to wander.

Even I couldn't keep a leash on him.

After awhile of watching Keith worry, obvious it wasn't going to disappear I got up and sat by him, a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me; a sad look glazed in his eyes and buried his face again.

"Two-Bit I don't blame you and neither does Soda. Don't do this to yourself, you know what Pony's like…" I tried to comfort him gruffly; I was never good at that.

He shook his hand then leaned back suddenly, a blank look on his face.

"Two-Bit-"

"I know Darry but still my sorry ain't good enough…I lost the kid…and look-"

"Don't say it Two-Bit…don't. He's gonna be okay."

"You don't know that-"

"Yes I do. Believe it or not, the parental instinct in me would be racing if he were…"

I couldn't bring myself to even say it, I swallowed loudly. Pony had to be okay. I wouldn't accept it if he wasn't, he couldn't-he would never….-not after Mum and Dad…

Two-Bit nodded, a strange look flitting over his eyes. He understood what he meant, I mean all the gang has that parental instinct when it comes to Pony.

Once I was sure he would be fine I scooted back over to my brother, I put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer.

"It's okay Pepsi-Cola, its okay…." I reiterated to him softly, his eyes closing as my words consumed him. We stayed like this for what seemed like hours.

Steve slept on the three chairs on my side and Two-Bit stayed awake every minute as we waited. Soda fell asleep drifting in and out of sleep as he lay in my arms; but I couldn't sleep. Not peacefully that's for sure.

**------------------**

I was awoken my gentle shaking of my shoulder, when I opened my eyes Darry's were staring right at me; a worried glint in his eyes.

"Soda…we can see Pony now," He said softly and helped me to my feet. On either side of us Two-Bit and Steve were awake but looked drowsy. Both looked eager to see my brother, I was too but I was also scared.

Was he okay? That was the thought that blared in my mind, what if…?

I couldn't even name or count the possibilities. When I saw Pony in that ditch my world faded and I saw nothing but his bleeding, broken body. Of all the bad things that could happen after we'd been goin' so good.

I racked my brains; of course it was a slimy, filthy, sneaky soc who had done this. No one else was as cold blooded and the whole Johnny and Bob deal….no one was over it and no one was ever going to be over it.

We entered a long corridor that suddenly seemed cold and I wrapped my arms around my stomach. To think that once again my baby brother was in here; that alone chilled me.

Finally we got to the door, closed and barring. Cold and unwelcoming; was this the fate of Pony inside the room?

Darry turned the knob gently and stepped inside, Soda following behind him. Steve and Two-Bit nodded at us first, they didn't feel like they wanted to intrude I guess. But they were family members anyways, just about the only proper family we had.

I nearly felt new tears come to my eyes as I saw him; he lay pale and fragile against the white, plastic sheets of the hospital. I suddenly rushed forwards only to be restrained by Darry who gave me a pained look.

I knew I couldn't just rush over there and scoop up Pony and hug the life out of him; this time it was different. So I dragged a chair by his bed side and clutched a limp hand; who would have thought we'd ever be in this situation again.

I ignored the Doctor when he asked to talk to Darry privately in his office, I wasn't sure I was ready to hear the extent of my brother's injuries. I knew I'd have nightmares for a lifetime of Pony in that ditch….-I shuddered.

After awhile Darry came back more pale faced before and let Steve and Two-Bit in the room. I didn't even bother to watch their reactions; I just stared at the tiny freckles on Pony's hands.

For what seemed like hours we sat in utter silence, Darry pacing the room. Every time he opened his mouth to tell us the injuries, I would cut him off, "Not now Darry…Please. Not now."

He would not, partially understanding and partially confused. But me and him are different, I don't need the details I just need the proof. And that proof lay right in front of me.

He on the other hand, made sure he knew everything that contained the situation. He would die without the proper information and every single detail.

After awhile my hand became sweaty and I re-adjusted it only to be scared the hell out of my mind when the hand twitched. I clutched it frantically and began calling for Pony. This caught the attention of the rest of the gang and Darry.

Soon Pony was murmuring incoherent things and I had to lean real close to understand.

"M'sorry Soda….I'm so stupid…..wandering alone. Two-Bit's gonna hate me…so is Darry…" He mumbled his eyes weakly fluttering open. His voice was a rasp and I moved closer, pulling him into my arms.

"Hey baby, its okay. You're in hospital and I'm the only stupid one in the family, not you Pone," I murmured gently as Darry watched on. His eyes widened slowly as I repeated what Pony was sayin'.

He moved closer and brushed our little brother's sweaty fringe back, "Two-Bit doesn't hate you, do ya buddy?" Darry said brightly but with a concerned tone in his voice as he turned around.

Two-Bit stepped forward, pale as hell and smiled weakly at Pony.

"Hey Kid, I'm not mad at you, just worried." He smiled again and Pony nodded trying to sit up. The movement obviously wasn't good for him cause' he gasped, so me and Darry pushed him back down carefully.

Darry pulled over another chair and held Pony's other hand. I smiled as cheerfully as I could manage at my younger brother and he attempted to grin back. He noticed that his jacket was now clean, thanks to one of the nurses and sittin' folded at the end of the bed.

But his smile slid off his face as he opened his mouth, "H-Have you seen my blade?"

**------------------**

**TBC**

**End of Chapter Three.**

A little bit longer this time, I'm hoping to wrap up the hospital scenes by next chapter so we can move on.

So what did you think? Please take the time to review; I'd love to read your feedback it means a great deal to me as a writer. Thanks to those who have reviewed thus far: _Kate, Girlz-Rule, Pictures, Dreamer 3097, Hmm, Pm Curtis _and_ Mads._

: D

Yun


	4. Meet Dallas, Dallas the Pony

**Disclaimer: **I do not and never will own the characters, plots and settings of S.E Hinton's "The Outsiders".

**Title: **By My Own

**Author: **So Yun

**Ratings: **M

**Warnings: **Language, Violence, Adult Themes

**Genre: **Angst/Drama

**Chapter: **4/?

**Summary: **A year on, life is continuing for the Curtis brothers and the remaining gang. But things slowly go downhill for Ponyboy and the gang who have triumphed over so many things in the past.

**AN: **Hi guys, I'm new to this type of fandom, I usually frequent Harry Potter. I hope you'll be lenient on me for any future stuff ups! I hope you enjoy the fourth instalment! Thanks to my nice reviewers!!

**Chapter Four-Meet Dallas, Dallas the Pony**

**------------------**

I looked sharply over at my youngest brother, he'd been injured severely by an unknown and all he was thinkin' about was his blade. In that moment I was both touched and a bit irritated.

It was nice that he missed the blade I'd made for him, but then again he doesn't use his head and probably didn't care about the identity of his attacker. But I for one; was.

Soda, Steve and Two-Bit said they hadn't come across the blade while they were lookin'; all they found was his jacket. I frowned, that was fairly strange and coincidently Pony had been stabbed with a knife…

I shook my head, I must be thinkin' things, surely this guy ain't sick enough to stab Pony with his own blade? This ruffled me a little I guess, and soon after awhile it was itchin'me. I had to know; I gave him that blade.

After awhile our little brother fell asleep; I love callin' him that coz' it still managed to irritate him but I knew he liked it deep down. I nodded at Soda telling him I'd be right back and jumped in the truck.

I drove until I was near our house and in front of the lot, my eyes darkened as I looked over the expanse of weeds and dead grass. It looked a scary sight for once in my whole life, I was almost frightened to step a foot in it.

_This is where Pony almost died…_

I shuddered and followed the ditch down; it wasn't hard; dried blood still tainted the yellowing grass. Imagine what Soda, Steve and Two-Bit found; I couldn't even think of that.

I guess I was sorta glad it wasn't me; I know for one that my other younger brother will have nightmares that will haunt the rest of his life. Just seein' his own brother like that….No I stopped the train of thought again.

I shuffled around with my feet, hoping to find something, perhaps even Pony's knife. I'm pretty sure he'd be damn happy to have it back, but I wasn't so sure I wanted to find it.

I searched for awhile although I was eager to go back and visit Pony. Just as I was leaving the sun was going down below the horizon and it shone on a glint of metal not too far away.

My heart thumped almost painfully in my chest, it had to be didn't it? So I moved towards the glint of metal before I forgot where it were or the sun completely sunk. I crouched down and shifted some dead weeds away.

There it was, just as blood stained as I imagined it would be. I found it suddenly hard to breathe.

**------------------**

"Hey Steve, where are my brothers?" Pony looked at me expectantly and his voice shook me out of my reverie. I looked at him bewildered; a sudden memory flash of finding him earlier unnerved me.

"Well Soda is in the cafeteria and Superman is…um somewhere I guess." The kid nodded reluctantly, I could see from the way he was lookin' round carefully that he was still scared.

I would be too if I'd been attacked a brutally as the kid had been, and Soda…my best buddy havin' to see him like that. Jesus Christ…

The Curtis's always had it rough and always will by the looks of it. I loved Soda like the brother I never had and Darry, well superman was just superman for me. That's why I liked him.

Then there was the damn smartarse tagalong kid, always gettin' into trouble, never usin' his head and worrying his older brothers like no tomorrow. It ain't entirely fair to do that to em', their parents died too.

Damn cry baby that kid is, he really needs to grow up. But I admit I have never seen such a horrifying sight as that kid in that ditch; my stomach rebelled just as the memory.

I only put up with him coz he'd Soda and Darry brother otherwise I'd just treat him like the little trash he is. He annoys me to no end and still is.

I admit I feel guilty though, bitchin' about the kid after he was attacked, I guess things never change for me. I do hope he gets better but only so Soda can stop worryin' so much, he'll start getting' sick then it'll really be Pony's fault.

He looked kinda fragile I guess, it's hard to believe he only turned fifteen last week. He's got that athletic built unlike Soda and Superman. They're both muscular and able to defend themselves, then there's Pony.

Still scrawny and small for his age and has absolutely no action with the broads. Not that they'd want him anyways, too much of a day dreamer.

He was staring at the TV screen now, watching some fake game show host unveil the letter on the game board. He seemed quite transfixed; I wasn't so I swiped the remote and turned it off.

Damn, now I have to put up with awkward silence and baby sittin' the kid while Two-Bit flirts with that blonde nurse over there.

We sat there stupidly until I decided to saunter out for a coke; there was a vender just around the corner. I didn't even bother to look back at Pony, prolly rolling his eyes at my back or somethin'.

By the time I came back the kid was asleep and thank god for that. I can't wait till Soda comes back, or Darry.

**------------------**

Soda came loping back with Steve and him talking furiously about some chick that had just walked past. Darry still wasn't back yet and I had slept for a good half an hour after Steve left before.

Two-Bit had dropped in for a sec and tried to smuggle me some chocolate but this blonde haired nurse came in and confiscated it. Something about no solids for me and that I needed only fluids which the drip would provide to me.

Great just great…no Pepsi or chocolate, I groaned out loud which managed to catch Soda's attention. He looked worried as I sat up and immediately was by my side. He also held one arm behind his back which I found kinda suss.

"Hey Pone, you alright there? You aren't in pain are you?" He asked almost diligently but he was masking one of his wicked grins. Steve was too and I don't think I liked that coming from Steve.

I narrowed my eyes at the pair just as Two-Bit walked through the door.

"Soda man, why the heck have you got a stuffed toy behind your back?"

Steve groaned and made shushing noises but it failed miserably, I strained and tried to look and see but didn't succeed, "Yeah Soda, why do you?"

He did have something behind his back but it was prolly just Two-Bit wise crackin' like usual. Though, this time he wasn't.

Soda grinned at me before whipping the thing from behind his back, "Surprise Pony, just a little somethin' I got for you from the gift shop!"

I was startled to find that in his palm sat a little stuffed toy pony. It was yellow with a blue mane and hooves. It's eyes sorta bulged and somehow Soda had managed to colour over them with blue. It was kinda cute, but there was no way in hell I'd ever admit it.

I raised an eyebrow and looked right up at my second oldest brother, "What is that?"

Soda grinned back at Steve then puffed out his chest and thrust the toy out on his hand, "This Pone, is Dallas-" My breath caught in my throat, he decided to name it Dallas? "-Dallas, the Pony. Do you like him? I thought he could keep you erm…company. Me and Steve picked im' out."

I bit my lip and lifted Dallas off Soda's palm then started laughing, "Thanks Soda, Steve. I-I like him."

This set Steve off as well, but it was for an entirely different reason, "What a little girl…"

Oddly Soda turned back and snapped, "Shut up Steve, I've had enough of you bitchin' about Pony. Lay off would you."

Steve frowned then turned around and loped out the door muttering, "Later." His eyebrows furrowed and he sent me a glare.

Soda turned back to me, frowning a little but a smile took its place as he poked the stuffed toy. "So, Dallas, how are ya today? What's it like bein' a real pony hey?"

I rolled my eyes as my brother continued to poke the toy that now sat on my pillow, its bulging eyes staring into space. I laughed a little at my brother's antics but stopped when a stab of pain shot through my body.

"You know Sodapop, it ain't gonna reply."

Soda turned to me, his eyes wide and replied in an indignant voice while cradling Dallas close, "Don't say that! Of course Dallas can talk!"

He then looked down at the toy as it stared back and whispered, "Don't listen to him Dallas, he don't know anything."

He kept giving me shifty looks until we both burst into laughter, I didn't care that my side ached this time.

We turned around when we saw Darry at the door, his complexion was paler than usual and he also had somethin' in his hand. Soda took not notice and bounded up to him, Dallas fittin' snugly into his palm.

"Hey Darry! Have you met Dallas the Pony!? I don't think you have, Darry, meet Dallas, Dallas the pony." Soda virtually yelled and thrust the toy right in Darry's face.

Darry frowned and swatted it away, "Perhaps later Soda. Not right now, I gotta talk to our brother."

The determined yet frightened look on his face set me back, he almost looked like he was gonna burst out bawling. Though, that was my job.

Soda, seein' this stepped back then turned to me. Dallas clutched in his palm tightly, its eyes bulging more than before. Soda seemed to think perhaps this was a time to shut up and started gettin' nervous.

Darry moved closer to the bed, his expression wrought and his knuckles white around the thing he clutched.

"Pony," He began hoarsely and brought his hand up, "I-I found-"

It wasn't like Darry to stutter, never had he ever stuttered. Suddenly my eyes widened and Soda gasped as he unclenched his fist.

My switchblade that Darry had given me lay there, the white handle stained in a red substance which also crusted the blade. It looked suddenly not so new and enticing as it had when I had gotten it. I couldn't believe this was the same blade that I had only gotten a week ago.

But then again, this was also the blade that had stabbed me.

"I found your blade."

**------------------**

**TBC**

**End of Chapter Four.**

Another sort of long chapter left you a little bit of a cliffhanger to mull on during the week.

So, loved it? Hated it? What did you think? I'd love to hear some feedback as it helps me greatly with the actual story.

Thanks to those who reviewed to me last chapter: _Dreamer 3097, Hmm & Girlz-Rule._

: D

Yun


	5. Paying The Debt

**Disclaimer: **I do not and never will own the characters, plots and settings of S.E Hinton's "The Outsiders".

**Title: **By My Own

**Author: **So Yun

**Ratings: **M

**Warnings: **Language, Violence, Adult Themes, Changing POV's.

**Genre: **Angst/Drama

**Chapter: **5/?

**Summary: **A year on, life is continuing for the Curtis brothers and the remaining gang. But things slowly go downhill for Ponyboy and the gang who have triumphed over so many things in the past.

**AN: **Hi everyone! Can't believe its been two years since I last updated! I decided to give writing a break and took up reading. I've been mostly reading Outsiders lately and it got me motivated! So here's a long chapter for you guys :)

Shout out to my favourite writers who probably won't read this: Calla Lily Rose & Feisty Feist, you guys are my inspiration!

Just a note, I know that I've written the story through character's point of view and I've expanded their vocabulary further than is possible for them. That's because I don't think it's necessary to write a whole Outsider's story in gangster talk.

**Chapter Five-Paying the Debt **

**------------------**

I stared at the blade in Darry's hand incredulously. How dare them damn Socs stab my baby brother with his own blade!

Pony just stared at his blade, his eyes eerily blank before his limp hand lifted from his lap and he reached for it.

Darry frowned and withdrew his hand a little before looking away and handing it back, disgruntled. I knew what was runnin' through Darry's head, if he could have his way he's make sure Pone never got a hold of that blade again.

I'd hardly saw Darry look so pale and shaken. It was an unnerving sight to see, but it also made me remember that my brother was only human. I know Darry loved our little brother like no other in the world.

Deep down, Darry was blaming himself. I wouldn't let him do that. There's no way it's his fault; it's no ones but those damn Socs.

Pickin' on a kid. How low can you get.

I looked down at poor Dallas an unclenched my fist, setting him down on Pony's table, it was stupid to buy the thing, but somehow in the back of my mind I knew he'd be some sort of comfort to Pony.

And I liked him too. Cute little toy; even Steve, who'd been staring at it before thought so too I bet.

Steve seemed shocked; well for Steve. When things come to Pony, it ain't usually good in Steve's view. I sometimes wish that he didn't dislike Pony so much; Pones' a smart kid, he don't use his head in most times but he'll go far in life.

Further than me. That's for sure.

He's special. He got through Dally and Johnny's deaths; here he is, still fighting his way through. Pony's got such bad luck, I wonder these days whether he dropped a mirror, walked under a ladder or saw a black cat.

He doesn't deserve all this crap.

I've never been prouder of my baby brother other than now, he's strong. I wish I was as strong when Sandy upped and left. I ain't into broads nowadays; I just wanna be a good brother and protect Pone like he should be.

But this time I failed….

-----------------

Darry's looking at me as if I've grown a second head; which I prolly have considering the bump on my head. What Darry doesn't know is that even if this blade was half responsible ( other half goes to who ever that guy was…) for my condition.

But ya know, I don't care. It's special to me. My oldest brother made it for me, just for me and no one else. Not even grumpy Steve can take it away from me.

Steve is grumbling by the door, as usual. Two-Bit who had been quiet till now raised an eyebrow and sat on my bed. He had the most serious look on his face that I hadn't seen for a year now.

He plucked my blade out of my fingers and before I could protest shoved it in his jeans pocked.

"Pony, this ain't something you should be carryin' round anymore. Ya brother, and it ain't his fault, thought it was a good idea and some tosser took advantage of that, ya hear?"

He looked at me and got off my bed, giving a small smile to Soda and Darry. He turned to leave, looking right at me, "I'll look after it, no worries."

My shoulders slumped, yeah I was disappointed but I guess Two-Bit was right. Keith can be pretty smart when the time calls.

Darry approved by the look of it, Soda too. The silence was overwhelming until suddenly Soda sat on my bed and started an intense staring contest with Dallas.

You can guess who won of course.

Even Darry cracked a smile and Steve rolled his eyes. But all I knew was that I was home, not my place at the Curtis Residence but with my brothers and the gang. Where I belonged.

Soda was still staring at Dallas, his fists clenched, mocking the bulging eyed toy as it stared, almost drugged at him. Steve finally huffed and grabbed Soda by the waist and wrenched him away, thus starting a wrestling.

In the hospital no less. Great.

Darry sighed and turned to me, one of his rare smiles. "Kid, you don't know how glad I am that you're alright."

I grinned, toothy and all. He just ruffled my hair before crossing his big strong arms, biceps bulging.

"Cut it out you two, we don't need some orderlies kickin' us all out when Pony needs us." He threw his most serious glare before rolling his eyes and muttering something about coffee.

Two-Bit followed him out the door, starting a completely random conversation about a plucky blonde broad he saw down at the Dingo the night before.

Soda and Steve paused, and when Soda stepped back he knocked into the potted plant behind him. It was only from a courageous dive that it was saved. I just guffawed loudly, causing Steve to raise an eyebrow and Soda to throw one of his goofiest grins before standing up and smoothing my sheets with his big hands.

I just stared blandly, but fondly as Soda folded the sheets back a little and plumped my pillow. Steve fell back into the chair and stared at the ceiling. I wasn't Steve Randle's favourite person and I knew it. He hated watching Soda and me.

I knew he was jealous. It all started when I was four and Steve and Soda were eight. Steve was mean for an eight year old but he never took any notice of me. I think I used to pout because hey, I was four and didn't all four year olds just wan' attention from anyone?

But then Soda just started taking interest in me. Always asking if I wanted to play with them and holding my hand wherever we went. It was strange at first, but I really liked the attention. Darry played with me when he wasn't busy with friends or school.

Ma would always make time for me; she taught me how to bake cakes and cookies. That was our time and our time only. Darry never joined in, neither did Dad. They just ate the end result.

Soda would come in sometimes and advise that we add some food colouring here and there. I think Ma did it just to make Soda happy. I mean I didn't care if my cookies were green.

Soon Soda started takin' me everywhere. He taught me how to play race driver, taught me how to cross the road and always walked me to school. Darry and Dad taught me football and helped me with my math.

That's when Steve started to hate me.

-----------------

I know I'm bitter. I mean my old man hates my guts, I'm doing rubbish in school and the DX is my only solace.

I hated hospitals they were too….sterile and busy and the place where people died. People like Johnny and Dally died. I stared at the ceiling; a rickety old fan was rotating slowly; wobbling precariously. The rusted edges whipped through the air lazily and I found myself following it aroun'.

Soda was busy fussing and coddling the kid like a baby. Soda's downfall and weakness was Ponyboy. Ponyboy always came first in Soda's life and Darry's. Hell, even in Two-Bit's life, Pony always came first.

After our buddies died, Two-bit seemed to be out on a limb. While he was close to Soda and I, and he'd always been close to Darry, he stuck to Pony like suction.

He said he'd always wanted a little brother, rather than a brat sister. I think he really took that to heart.

Don't get me wrong, he'll always be there for Karen, but Pony is his new blood brother. Keith surprised me when he confiscated Pony's blade. I think he surprised Darry and Soda too.

Soda was too soft to take the blade off the kid and Darry, the actual gift giver was probably debating whether it would be detrimental to take it back.

I for one was reluctantly relieved that Two-Bit had taken the parenting role and taken' it back. Two-Bit did have sticky fingers but I knew he'd keep it safe and give it back when the time was right.

Stupid kid would probably trip over and stick himself if weren't so lucky…well until this incident. Much as I hated the kid, my blood boiled at the thought of a damn bastard Soc takin' advantage of a fourteen…scratch that, fifteen year old kid on his lonesome.

Then again, Pony shouldn't have bin' walking by his lonesome anyways.

I sighed, Soda had sat 'Dallas the Pony' on his kid brother's lap with a smile before turning to me.

"Yo Stevie-boy, wanna go to the cafeteria and get some food again? Dallas has promised to watch over Pone,"

I rolled my eyes. Soda was so stupid sometimes, but of course, it was all in the name of his kid brother that he's raised onto some pedestal. Pony stared at me eerily, like a challenge. I accepted.

"Sure, I wanna make Evie jealous. I'm sure she's friends with some of the nurses here. Let's go Sodapop."

Soda slugged my arm playfully, "Man, who cares about Evie. She's jus' like every other broad; don't know what the definition of commitment is."

I grinned at him; of course, Soda could be painfully smart sometimes. I swear it rubbed off Darry or smart aleck kid lying in bed right now.

Soda turned to his brother, nervously laying a hand on the toy again. I swear he needed it more than Pony.

"Pony…you sure-"

"Yeah Soda, I'm sure. Go eat something. Darry and Two-Bit will be back anyways."

He shooed us out of the room, turning on the TV. I turned back as Soda chattered quietly; Pony was brushing his hand against the mane of Dallas.

I rolled my eyes at him even though the kid couldn't see me. Sure, I saw that silly thing in the gift shop and joked that it looked like Pony; bulged out eyes and all.

Soda lit up like a Christmas tree before rushing to buy it like a kid in a candy store.

Maybe the kid ain't so bad.

-----------------

Two-Bit had talked loudly as we walked the halls, sticking his head into doors as pulling obscene faces. He's such a joker. I wouldn't be surprised if we all of a sudden got kicked out. I swear he would've caused some old ladies to die of a heart attack.

We got our coffee, and made our way back to Pone's room. He was only chattering quietly now. It didn't surprise me really; Keith had changed so much since last year that it was astounding.

He drank coffee now, was more serious and didn't always take life as a joke. 'Nother thing that shocked me was how close he'd gotten to my little brother, Pony. They were almost inseparable. Two-Bit seemed to think it was his duty to look out for him more than ever.

It comforted me. 'Cause Soda would always have Steve, but Pony didn't always have me. I should be okay with the fact that someone is always goin' to be looking after my youngest brother. But I can't help but regret that it ain't me.

I work a lot. The roofing business works from early morning till 'bout round when school comes out. Sometimes after, depends on day light savings. Pepsi-Cola finished at the DX variably. Sometimes before school broke out or a little after. The days when it broke out early, Soda either ditched Steve or made him go with him and walked Pony home.

Usually Keith walked or drove Pony home, but Soda always liked to know where his brother was. So did I.

Although Keith was relatively happy, I knew that he was constantly beating himself up. It wasn't his fault. Ponyboy is a sneaky kid when he wants to be, and why wouldn't he take advantage of Two-Bit snoozing?

"So Darry, we gotta catch this guy. I won't be able to sleep knowin' that scumbag is still out there. Darry?"

Two-Bit was waving his hands in front of my face, his gray eyes searching my face wildly. I smiled grimly and nodded, pulling him away from Ponyboy's room. He was sleeping, hand laying gently on that toy Soda had gotten him.

Soda and Steve must have gone walkabouts.

Keith was sizing me up, his sideburns absent. He had shaved them off because Pony said they made him look like an elderly western gentleman. All he needed was a top hat and pocket watch.

I turned away from my youngest brother and sighed. I didn't know what to do. Should I go to the police? Would social services catch wind and think we weren't doing right by Pony? Should we make it a vendetta to catch this guy and smash his face to pulp?

I wasn't sure whether Pony had been targeted or it was a one off. All I knew was it worried the hell outta me.

I knew that it was affecting Soda and Keith more than Steve and I.

I can never grasp how close Pony and Soda are. When Pony was born Soda was so put out that he made a wide berth between him and our newborn baby brother. He hated bein' the middle kid and hated the fact that mum and dad spent more time with the baby than him.

I think he even hated the fact that I spent more time with Pony than him. But how could you not? Ponyboy was premature by almost a month. He was far smaller than Soda or I had been.

As he grew up into a toddler, his eyes became him. They were the nicest olive green compared to Soda's kind brown ones and my blue green ones. I remember when I looked at my baby brother, I was so proud that I'd given Pony some of my eye colour.

I was too young to know it was actually Dad that had given Pony and I both his.

Anyways, Soda refused to play with Pony or even look at him. He always referred to his kid brother as that, "Ugly Baby".

Dad even made him sit in the corner for two hours and confiscated his toy cars when Soda had taken Pony's toy dog and put it in the trash. Ma was just as devastated as Pony. Her father who had recently died has given that to Pony when he was born.

Soda finally took notice of his baby brother when he was eight. He became so enamoured, it was strange. One moment he's pretending he doesn't have a kid brother or is terrorizing him and the next, all he wants to do is be around Pony.

That's when he fell in love. Ever since, Soda and Ponyboy have been ridiculously close. Soda was the protector and Ponyboy was the listener. Soda adored Ponyboy and Ponyboy loved Soda.

Sometimes I wish I were in on it. But last year Soda told me that Ponyboy felt left out because Soda and I had such a tight bond too.

Don't know what Ma and Dad were thinking when they decided on three kids. But I'm glad they did.

After Ma and Dad died, Ponyboy's nightmares reached tantamount, so Soda moved into Pone's room and strangely, his nightmares became non-existent.

The halls of the hospital were empty and Two-Bit was slouched against the wall, looking despondently at his feet.

"Two-Bit, we gotta watch Pone okay? He goes no-where without one of us. I ain't callin' the fuzz, because we all know they don't give a shit. And I can't risk having social services on our back okay?"

Keith nods, he always understands.

-----------------

As Darry and I stood in the quiet halls, overwhelmed by our own thoughts, I scratched my chin and moved a bit to peer through the door. Pony was still sleeping like a log and Steve and Soda weren't back yet.

I rubbed my hand across my face, my jaw felt strange without my trademark sideburns. I was so used to them being there. But I'm glad I shaved 'em off. Come to think of it, Pony was right. They did make me look like that gentleman from that movie I saw with him a couple of weeks ago.

Pony's always right. Smart kid.

Steve remarked that I looked heaps younger without them. And I felt rejuvenated. Afterwards I messed up Steve's hair. He scowled so darkly I was wary of bein' burnt by it as I whooped and hollered runnin' down the street.

Steve's hair always fascinates me. All them complicated swirls, who woulda thought of Steve being a hair obsessed girl?

I chuckled to myself and Darry looked up quizzically. I shook my head and turned to go in the room. Darry went to follow me, but a friendly doctor stopped him and asked to talk to him privately.

I nodded and sat beside Pony's bed. I picked up Dallas the Pony and played with him absently. I could hear Darry and the Doctor from where I was sitting.

"Mr Curtis-"

"Darrell please Doctor."

"Okay. Darrell, your brother is healing quite nicely and I think he would probably be more comfortable at home."

"You mean tonight? Shouldn't he stay in for observation?"

"Oh no son, I meant in the morning."

"Oh."

"Now, I know that this has been a traumatic experience for your family, but have you thought about payment plans son?"

"I...Uh, not really. Can we pay instalments?"

"Of course, but the policy of this hospital is no lower than $500."

That's when I jumped up in my chair. The Curtis's had that money, but that was only the first instalment. After that, I doubted even Darry had more than that saved. Jesus, I never though emergency surgery could cost so much.

Why couldn't the damn government just get a Health care system going or something so Darry wouldn't have to go through this shit.

I mean man; I was leaping to chip in now. But I don't think Darry knew I was eavesdroppin'.

"Well Doctor, I'll pay the first instalment after Ponyboy comes home. Is that alright?"

"Of course Darrell."

I turned to look at the muted TV and acted as if I had been watching it the whole time as a ruffled Darry came into the room.

Pone was still sleepin' like a baby.

-----------------

Okay, so a slightly longer chapter and not so much drama. Next chapter Ponyboy gets to leave the hospital and is unaware of his brothers financial problem. School maybe?

Guys, I'd love some input into the direction of the story. Got ideas? Anything you want to see happen in the story? I'm open to all ideas and would love to hear from you; tornadoes? Rumbles? Fire? Kidnapping?

Want to thank these guys so very much again: **GellyBelly, adorabletheodore, Tosa, Burning Water, Girlz-Rule, Hmm, Dreamer 3097, pmcurtis, Pictures & Katie/Katie.** Your reviews mean very much to me, I'd love to hear from you again.

This is just as much your story as it is mine.

Till next time!

~Yun


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